How Grief Tested (and Deepened) My Faith in God
I’ve recently walked with a family through the devastating loss of their teenage son. Normally my schedule would have been so packed that I would have struggled to be there for them, but I had deliberately planned to “take May off” from most of the organized ministry work that I do. Season 1 of the Faith Conversations Podcast launched on April 29th and I had plans to speak at a Working Women Honor God event on May 10th but otherwise, I was going to take a break from speaking, writing and podcasting, and pick back up in June. I knew my oldest son would be graduating in May, my parents would be coming to visit, my youngest son would be finishing up his freshman year, and the summer would bring a new season of change. I’m soooo thankful God put it on my heart to step back for a month - He knew that He’d need us to be available for our friends in May.
Being by their side as they face this incredible loss has been a heart wrenching experience. As someone with the “gift of gab”, I have been at a loss for words. Being present, listening and carrying some of the logistical load is all I’ve known to do. I can’t imagine being in their position. I have no idea what I would need or how I would survive.
This experience has refined for me what it means to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12). I’ll be honest about my experience and explain what I’ve learned.
Honest Experience:
Being joyful has been elusive while walking through this with them. I’ve had to learn what it means to be “joyful in hope” – and it’s not the emotion that I once thought it was. Yet the deep heartache caused us to cling to hope - search for it - long for it - and then we find ourselves rejoicing in it.
The affliction can’t go away fast enough – yet it seems it will never go away for this family. Being “patient in affliction” seems miserable and yet we wait because that’s the only thing we can do. The affliction won’t change - the bad thing has already happened - but in the midst of the affliction, we long for a better day - we ache for healing, for restoration and for deliverance from the pain. And, thanks be to God, we don’t wait without hope.
Praying in the midst of extreme grief is hard. There’s nothing in you that desires to be “faithful in prayer” as I’ve previously understood that concept. There are not routines or Christian best practices taking place when your heart is broken into pieces. You are also not asking God to fix something because on this side of heaven, there is no fix. We’ve prayed out of desperation, not because we expect anything to change about these circumstances, but because we know God hears us, and we know that what we’re dealing with is way bigger than what we can handle on our own. We pray recognizing that God knows more, sees more, understands more than we ever could and we crumble in pieces before him, knowing he’s a safe place. Vulnerably meeting with God in the midst of our weakness and brokenness is a more accurate representation of being “faithful in prayer”. It’s easy to pray to God when you feel like you’re in control. It’s a much more faithful thing to do when you feel helpless and are painfully aware that you are not in control.
Do you turn to God or away from God in your pain?
We have a choice to either turn to God or turn away from God.
Turning away may feel more natural but it leaves us alone in our conflict – grappling with our grief and fear on our own. Our brains can’t rationalize the loss, it begins looking for someone to blame, and God’s the most likely target. The age-old question, “why do bad things happen to good people?” is quick to plague our minds because we’re trying to make sense of what has happened. In doing so, it’s easy to believe that God is a mean God who strikes good people down and doesn’t care about you or others. Doubting God’s goodness will keep us from turning to him and it will leave us alone and desperate in our pain - hopeless.
Turning to God may not feel natural but it is the gateway to peace - we still grapple with our grief and fear, but now with the Good Counselor, Helper and Advocate by your side. Grief and loss are quick to ignite a rebellion within our spirit and we don’t want to accept that God is in control, especially when our circumstances are devastating. But countering this tendency to rebel by courageously turning to God while experiencing extreme doubt and confusion unlocks the power of right relationship with God. When we crumble before him in our desperation, He meets us there, we remember that he is good, he does love us, and he is not afraid of our fear, doubt, confusion or pain. We are not alone.
What it comes down to in life is a choice:
Option A: Live in this broken world that is full of pain, suffering, tears and brokenness in relationship with God.
Option B: Live in this broken world that is full of pain, suffering, tears and brokenness apart from God.
If I’m going to be here on earth dealing with all the hard things that come our way, I’d rather face it all with him. He is the cleft in the rock where I hide from the enemy or where I find shelter during the storms of life.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
This truth, my friends, is what equips and empowers us take the next step, wake up the next day, navigate grief and pain, find peace that we can’t understand. Because of Him, we can be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.
*I’m putting together some additional reflections on what it means to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Stay tuned for more information on this topic!
